My Life

Well were to start I started dressing at the early age of 11 years old I found a denim skirt in my mums room and tried it on it felt the most natural thing in the world to do.

So the I started to try on other clothes my mum had at night or when a lone and again it felt so right. I felt odd and did not understand why I was drawn to this I had no feeling of being in the wrong body or anything like that I just felt happy in woman’s clothes.

I left school at 16 and went to be a apprentice joiner this was to become the type of work I would always find myself doing decorating to and that’s were I met my lovely wife Angie.

I was a loner in my early years and found it hard to mix; yes I had friends but not many. I have never been a typical male yes a big football lover but not into the male macho world at all. I do not like pubs I find them intimidating apart from the country ones I much prefer to eat out.

I remember as a kid my mum and sister saying that I spent most of my time round girls and women and looking back its true. My sister said that I was more at home chatting to females than males and to this day it is so true. If I am at a party or group event I will spend more time with women as I feel so close to them from a femme point of view I know I have  female brain well I mean to say I think very much like a women and feel it so much inside.

I had girlfriends and when I was 20 met Angie it was love at first sight and we are still together she is my world my soul mate my best friend and the only person on the planet that I can talk to. I know she feels the same about me as she tells me and last year on holiday I came out to her about my dressing.

Angie told me she had suspected around nine years ago as I was showing too much interest in a T-girl she knew well her friends knew. I remember it well Angie had seen her and I was asking how she looked, did she pass etc plus at the time there had been a few documentaries on  transgender on TV and we had watched them.

I had pointed out to Angie a few times I had a femme side and she knew this as I guess I was over keen to help her when went shopping.

So on holiday it came out and she was amazing with it, she is happy for Rebecca to be free and I dress when she’s at work and on nights. I have all my femme clothes hung up in the back bedroom and have my own wardrobe and dressing table its sheer bliss.

I know Angie still struggles to get her head round it as we have talked about it but she is trying and as promised me that we will stay and grow old together I believe her. We have gone through so much over the years and this year will be our 23 married you don’t throw that away. I give my life to Angie the day I met her.

I can not even begin to express my feelings as Rebecca Angie said the other day that when I ring her she can feel the change in me come down the phone line, she says you sound different and sound so relaxed and happy. She knows me so well and its true I guess as Rebecca I am truly myself the very true me.

When I started dressing it was just here and there I was not sure about my life as I was only a kid. Over the years and when wife Angie I dressed alone when I could I was growing more and more into Rebecca. Unlike today back then which was in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s there was no internet so knowing about being a T-Girl was hard. The only place I had heard about was Transformation in Bury they have a chain of shops around the UK.

So after seeing a add in the paper I went and it was a shock to see such information and to chat to the staff who were very helpful and try clothes on for the first time ever in a shop. I left with a few things new wig, dress, boots etc and it was a new chapter for Rebecca.

To be really honest the fashion on the shop was not my real taste as I am a real girl at heart and dress like any girl would so it was off to the real shops that I found the real Rebecca in the fashion sense.

I had to do this in male mode or “bob mode as us T-girls call it “and I found it tricky at times as must girls do and there are some who can not do it.

So my femme wardrobe was getting together but I had to hide them and the loft was the place I used. So after spending a lot of money on nice clothes they got shoved into a bag and into a dusty loft not really idea. I hated the fact I was a closet T-girl but like all T-Girls feared coming out so much and would Angie leave me?

I like Angie believe everything happens for a reason and it was not the right time at that point in my life. I was going through a very bad time as I questioned my desire to dress and thought I was a total freak and a weird person so time after time I would try to push Rebecca away and throw everything out.

But like a boomerang it came right back, I even tried to grow beards and after I came out to Angie she said is that way you grow beards etc and I said yes. I was trying to be the man I was trying to ignore my inner femininity.

Now I know this is impossible we are born this way, why nobody really knows there are loads of sites who offer views but we are what we are. The number of Tran’s girls is in the millions I guess and one site which was American said over 8 million US people are Trans.

I have now accepted that I am a transgendared girl I dress as a women as much as possible I feel 100% femme and now I actually feel more like a TS than a T-girl such is my femme mind. I live eat and breathe Rebecca 24/7.

I now have the freedom to dress as much as I like I feel so lucky to be able to do so and it’s along way from being the closet girl. Angie just wants me to be happy and I try to keep it as simple as I can.

I have now been out as Rebecca three times and if you had told me years ago that I would go out dressed I would have never believed you.

The first time was in October 2011 I went with a friend Dawn who is also Tran’s to Manchester Concorde it’s a TV friendly venue.

Now I actually do not call that going out as it’s a “safe place” I respect that a lot only ever do this but for me it was vital to get out in the “real world” and exist as the women I am inside. Just as Angie does I want to walk the streets as Rebecca and not hide in a safe place.

So my first ever real trip out was in January 2012 in Manchester one Saturday morning I had got Next gift vouchers for Xmas so I was off to use them. Angie by now had seen me dressed so with her nod of approval so of I went this very nervous girl was about to set foot in the big world for the first time.

I was wearing black skinny jeans hug boots skull top and leather jacket and felt amazing. I parked at the MEN Arena Manchester and set off. I could not have picked a worse day as it was so windy and I remember thinking please don’t let my wig blow off.

I wanted to go to the Waterstones book shop so went there first. I was after a Harry Potter book and Angie had said to me the day before “ask for help” Now as you know us T-Girls have male voices so I had watched some videos on youtube and had practised the best I can Angie who heard my efforts said I had a soft enough voice so I did my best.

The girls in the store were fantastic and did not treat me in nay funny way at all although I was nervous I had done it. Then I went to boots for some foundation, I had already done this in “bob mode” after the holiday and had summed up the courage to actually ask a girl for help. That was in Rochdale and it was a girl called Susie and we are still friends and she as seen picture’s of me dressed and said I looked very femme.

So got my foundation and other bits and off I went to Next. I had a good look round and bought a bag and then decided to have a coffee. I went to the coffee shop and ordered a coffee and went and sat down and text Angie, I could not believe that I was not only out and on my very own but actually sat drinking coffee with all these people around me.

It was amazing, I went back into Next and got a skirt and top the whole day made me cry like a baby when I got home it was sheer bliss at last Rebecca was out and proud.

Before I went out I was convinced I might not pass enough most T-Girls worry about this and Angie said I looked ok. I never heard anyone laugh at me or point a finger and all the advice I had got of the T-Girls sites were right, that most people are not interested in us and as long as you have made the effort you can go about your life.

Someone else said to me the other day that it’s about accepting who you are and when you stop worrying about passing you actually say to yourself I don’t care and just get on with it you pass more.

So in February 2012 I went to Rochdale dressed and again it was amazing, I also went to Matalan and got a few bits. I signed up for the store card and today got my first ever letter addressed to Rebecca that made me smile and shed a tear to how far Rebecca’s come as be amazing and a lot of it is down to my wonderful wife accepting me for who I am.

So that’s it my little soul on a plate I am a T-girl and very proud to be I adore my femme life and am just happy to live as a women when I can and all I ask is to be able to go out as Rebecca and do what girls love to do most of all and shop.

My next plan is to go to a rock concert as Rebecca as I am a rock chick at heart I love my metal music and some pop too. So fingers crossed I might pull it off one day. I will add more to this as time goes on now I have started it thanks for reading and feel free to look me up on Facebook and UKAngels.